As I started my True Purpose® journey back in 2014, my primary objective was to strengthen my connection with my Trusted Source. I had listened to Tim’s introductory call where he mentioned that a 24/7 connection was a possibility. I also remember him talking about common reasons as to why people didn’t – among them was being asked to do something you didn’t want to do. He also talked about what happens when you end up telling God “No, not doing that.”
I was intrigued, and I wanted to learn how. I liked the work that we covered, and chose to continue the journey. I went from class to class as they were offered, and eventually ended up in Voice Dialogue, the “heavy duty” class about working with parts. Tim had maintained in the previous classes that all parts served a noble purpose. All parts had our well-being in mind. They wanted to protect us, and make sure our needs were met. In Voice Dialogue, that was all still true, AND there was one more thing that was emphasized – using this technique, we are not about transforming the part. We were about loving and accepting the part as it is.
So, just how far was I willing to take this? I love and accept myself when I am nice (check): I love and accept myself when I do good for others (check); I love and accept myself when I keep my word with others (check); I love and accept myself when I complete my projects (check); I love and accept myself when I keep my word with myself (well, I’d do that if I always did that); I love and accept myself when I curse the driver that just cut into my lane (well, rats, I just swore at him, called him really bad names, that’s really not nice); I love and accept myself when I shut my partner/friends/colleagues out (I know that’s not a good thing to do, I just really am mad at them in the moment).
I love and accept myself when I don’t stand up for myself (well, I don’t want them mad at me); I love and accept myself when I do things that show no gumption –afraid to leave a job/relationship/situation (well, God doesn’t pay the friggin’ bills and I’m too uncertain of the future); I love and accept myself when I look at my actions and am find them wanting (well, I’m trying, I’m just too afraid to do something else); I love and accept myself for shirking responsibility, and lacking commitment (ooooh ick – don’t like that at all); I love and accept myself when all I hear in my head is how fat I am; how stupid I am; how thoughtless I am; how lazy I am; what a coward I am; ….. (well, not so much!)
One of the first things to learn was that all of the above responses were just parts; not the essential me. You mean it’s a part that criticizes me? It is a part that is afraid? It is a part that wants to do good for others? It is a part that gets triggered? Ok, that was a stretch. Why would I have some of these parts? Some of them are outright bullies; others not so kind; others really cared for others; others were sickeningly sweet.
So how do you fix the not so nice parts? The answer to that question was you don’t. Again it was the return to loving and accepting them as they are. Now, I was at the point of questioning the rationale behind that. Also thinking that Tim might not have this one quite right. Some of the part “thingies” were just plain not very good.
As the course progressed, the facilitators role was to learn to be an objective investigative reporter. Ask questions. Support the part and the client’s aware ego in learning about themselves. Support the separation between the two. Questions like who are you? Why are you here? What do you do for X? What don’t you like about your host? How do you judge your host? How do you judge others? Are you always right in your opinion? What do you think about me?
We learned to resist the temptation to want to “fix” the part; not get swept up in the fact that we were working with a “good” part and strongly encouraging it to change the other parts. I know as I was guided to have conversations it was easier to “absolve” some of them and be more compassionate. For others, not so much. The work then became to work with those parts and find out more about them, learn to accept them as they were. Believe me, for some it was a lot easier to wish for a change than to have to accept it as it was. After all, some of them were “scumbags” in my mind. (Said the judging part). It was my judgment that categorized them as good or bad. It was my judgment as to whether I would accept them or not.
I had a lot of post-class work. I still was incredibly skeptical as to how this would be beneficial for a client. (Skeptic). I wasn’t sure that I really knew enough (Perfectionist) wasn’t’ sure that I could successfully coach clients in this. (Uncertain). Not only that, a good Voice Dialogue session can be a long session, and I wasn’t sure I was up to it. (Uncertain, Efficiency). I could totally get behind allowing the parts to express themselves; still not always accepting.
I found myself combining the Voice Dialogue technique with other skills I learned, leaning towards the objective of parts transformation, rather than the pure Voice Dialogue. I have had to continue my work in order to broaden my own self-awareness. I find as I continue to do that, I am able to hold doing coaching simply around “getting to know your parts more” over “hey let me help you get better.” Something that I really couldn’t do whole-heartedly until I could accept my own parts. Now there can be some fun – I’m triggered. Now what part is that? What is the issue from that part’s point of view? What does it need to say? It is a much different perspective.
Last September, I signed up to be one of the coaches assisting in the current Voice Dialogue class and found that the course is serving as a huge milestone to show me where my growth has been and how I can deepen my own facilitation skills. I have a renewed commitment to the technique and even more actively using it in my coaching practice. I am also in a more receptive place to move into deeper shadow work. Allowing the current events to act as entry points into my own psyche. As I gain more understanding and acceptance, I notice I don’t react to the current events the same way as other people I know. A much deeper place of peace.